For some parents the reveal comes as a huge surprise. It can feel like a blow to the stomach or fire up fears and concerns about the safety and wellbeing of an LGBTQ+ child. Others struggle to accept the news and resort to thinking they can stop the process somehow, which often leads to a lot of unnecessary pain. And sometimes the news just trickles in bit by bit. Either way, many parents have no preparation for this moment or the ones that come after.

DO these as much as you can:

• Be open to talk about gender identity, his or her feelings and ask questions when there are things you don’t understand.
• Express love, give hugs and kisses, and show interest in behavior that is new or maybe even disconcerting to you. Your teen knows this is new to you and asking questions is a powerful way to connect and learn to understand your LGBTQ+ teen.
• Talk about hurtful situations at school. There may be bullying or exclusion from groups, sometimes even from teachers. School management should provide a safe and inclusive environment for your child. Seeing you advocate for them is a powerful sign of support and acceptance that will boost your teen.
• Affirm that they will have a happy and bright future; Some parents’ fears surrounding the fate of LGBTQ+ers stand in their way of accepting and loving their teen’s ways. Be vigilant not to transmit these fears to your child. Find great LGTBQ role models and chase away these misconceptions together.
• Help your teen develop healthy friendships and welcome the friends into your home. Help siblings respect one another. Demand respect from extended family.

Avoid these at all cost:

• Don’t transmit thoughts of fear and shame to your child
• Don’t support people or institutions discriminating against LGBTQ+; including religious ones
• Don’t keep it a secret. This will stand in the way of freely expressing himself and shows your shame surrounding the issue.
• Don’t try to pressure him or her to dress and/or behave in a way YOU feel is better.
• Don’t tell your coming out teen that he/she is too young to know what they are feeling, or that they are confused.

It may help you to understand that the number one killer of LGBTQ+ people is…loneliness. Be the person your teen knows he or she can always come home to.