When was the last time you engaged in an argument?

What did it feel like ?

Would you prefer to avoid conflict? Mostly for fear of any adverse consequences resulting from the conflict?

Or do you engage in conflict knowing that you will ‘triumph‘? Maybe leaving the other wounded?

Will it surprise you to know that your beliefs surrounding conflict greatly affect the success of your relationships? Inability to engage in healthy conflict can affect you deeply over time, even to the point of causing illness in the body. Managing conflict in healthy ways leads to stronger relationships, increased self-awareness, higher rate of s and lead to more life satisfaction.

Great things can come from engaging in conflict. Here are just a few beliefs surrounding conflict that can help shift your perspective and wish you could enhance this coveted skill.

• It is an opportunity to communicate needs. Did you ask for what you need? So many times clients tell me: “Come on, Farah! It’s so obvious, I don’t have to tell him/her about this.” Yes you do! Steps taken to meet our needs can result in conflict moments that are powerful life altering <<< stuff>>.
• Helps set boundaries. Do you find yourself over-committing to things because you can’t say no? Saying no is a great example of a conflict moment that leads to greater relationships.
• It helps us learn to listen. When we embrace conflict as a way of moving forward gracefully, we can turn off our inner voice and be present to really listen to the other person. Listening without intent to defend or counter, is a powerful way of honoring the other person.
• Understanding the other. Once you can listen more effectively, understanding the other get center stage in the conflict. What better gift in a relationship than understanding and being understood? We often end up understanding ourselves better too.
• Leads to new ideas and solutions. While we are going back and forth in the conversation and learning more about the perspective of the other, we either become more convinced of our position on the matter, or we get new insights and ideas that roll out of listening to the other person’s perspective.
• Creates trust and stronger relationships. Regular conflict teaches us about the other. We learn about their ways and how to rely on them. This creates trust. Knowing their views and behavior strategies will allow us to trust how they approach situations.

The more you engage in conflict situations, the better you become at it and the less anxiety it creates.